H!P, Tsunku's Insanity Series

Tsunku’s Insanity Series- Second Edition: Koharu and the ‘Jailbait Revolution’


No.
NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

First of all…she’s a freakin’ child.
Second…
Well, really, that’s the best reason she should not be anywhere near fishnets and leather.

It’s Koharu! That hyperactive teen who has no idea how to turn off the smile and is perpetually cracked-out? Won’t this melt the brains of all the six year olds she’s recruited into her Kirarin (or whatever the horrid thing is called) show? Fifteen is older, yes. But it’s not that old.

What pisses me off so much about Koharu is that she cannot sing. Yes, that point has been made before. It’s flagrantly obvious.

BUT

We’re talking tone-deaf, squeaky and not even remotely trying to improve BAD. She could work on it, but she’s resting comfortably in her “miracle” name and using her cuteness to get by. I see blogs where people congratulate her for getting through a concert without lipsynching. That’s the best they can say about her, other than her “genki-ness”.
“Oh she’s improved so much!”

NO SHE HASN’T!

Remember how Tsunku laughed his ass off when she sang Furusato (as did we all)?
She’s improved only a smidge since then.
Which is to say, not a hell of a lot.

ANYONE can squeak and gasp into a mike with a cracked-out smile on her face!
It’s not a miracle.

What is a miracle is how she manages to look gorgeous one moment and then completely deranged the next.

That’s the thing about her: I’m sure she works herself raw doing all she does. I give her credit for stamina and for her beauty. She is very, very pretty sometimes. But image is, contrary to what one must believe, NOT everything. Dancing and singing are your JOBS. Yes, it’s good to cultivate a personality, albeit an insane, hyperactive one, but not at the expense of the music.

She was so cute when she began. I remember noticing her in Chokkan2, loving her little fist pumping thing. She looked happy, like she was shy and sweet and really trying. She had an interesting voice. I could forgive her croaking. She was only twelve and seemed like she was on her way to getting passable, if not good.

Then came that anime.
And the “music” that goes with it.

Now Kusumi is pretty much decided that this current voice is what she wants to use for the rest of her life. And yet, everyone tells us she’s a ‘miracle’.

*shakes head*

It’s a miracle Miki never strangled her squeaky ass.
Probably cause Yossy protected her.
And Ai couldn’t hurt a fly if she wanted to.

So alas, there is no one left to help us all out.
Sayu hated helping her so much that she yanked out her own eyebrows. Everyone else probably has given up by now.

As if the over-cute wasn’t enough, now we have to deal with this:


She looks pretty…until I remember that she’s a FREAKING CHILD.

I wish that they’d give her singing lessons at least.

Tsunku…what the hell were you thinking???

EDIT IN 2012:

Yeaaaah, so I wrote this four years ago and needless to say, my thoughts and feelings have changed immensely.And this post embarrasses the hell out of me, to be honest.

Let me just sum up with: I get it. I really do get it now. Still, seeing her like this for the first time made me kinda think ‘wtf!??’. It’s insane how you get used to things like this when you’re an idol fan.

Feel free to leave more abuse/thoughts/arguments/etc though. This post gets more hits than anything I’ve ever written.

*sigh*

~Isilie

9 thoughts on “Tsunku’s Insanity Series- Second Edition: Koharu and the ‘Jailbait Revolution’”

  1. 😮 …..

    Both hilarious, and frightening. I hadn’t been paying that much attention to Koharu. With Idols, you always assume they’ll stay the way they are, like Nacchi, or Iida.

    Good post 😉

  2. She’s 16, actually… but yeah.

    This is an old entry, but try the first track “koisain” of her new album Kirari to Fuyu. She has definitely improved there.

  3. I know this entry is already old but I don’t care: I’m fine with most criticism of Koharu but I draw the line at claims that she’s tone deaf:
    You’re so full of shit. All you sheeple in Morning Musume’s fan community in the West who bitch about Koharu’s “bad” singing a thousand times more often than the Japanese fans do (because they know better than you) just because some obnoxious faggot or mindless little tart started a hating trend. Take up guitar or a keyboard instrument for 15+ fucking years and you’ll realise the only problem you have with her voice is the timbre of it. Also, there’s little to no indication that her voice is routinely pitch-corrected on recordings, which it would need to be if she was tone deaf. I work with sound mixing gear so I know this stuff. But no, there’s not even the slightest audio artifact suggesting it. So you’re a dipshit. Fuck you.
    ~R.
    P.S. Just be glad she’s not my favourite H!P girl or I’d really chew you out.

  4. I’d second the above comments, albeit more politely. Nothing wrong with Koha’s voice, on record, and they wouldn’t have given her three solo albums and seven singles if she can’t sing a lick. Nor would she have been inducted into MM. Deranged; I’ll agree. Jailbait; I’ll agree as well. But a worthless singer? Going too far.

  5. Pingback: Strangely Torn «
  6. “she was cute until” you remember shes a child…. ? what defines her as such? Sooo if you didnt remember you would want to hump her like no tomorrow huh? admit it, everyone loves a car with low mileage 😉

  7. Pretty sure she wasn’t the only 16 yo. Japanese (or any other nationality, except from one of the Muslim countries) idol doing provocative photo-shoots. Frankly, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Never got this irrational fear people have about young people acting in a sexual way. 16 yo.-s are in fact naturally sexual, and they have actual sex more often than not.

    I guess she does look very young in those photos (a lot younger than her actual age) though, so I can see how that’s a little creepy. Until you realize that she is 16, and then you move on with your life because everything’s fine. You definitely don’t imply that the producer is into child porn over it. That’s just dumb, and it trivializes actual child abuse.

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